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How to live a Facebook-free life, according to Conan O'Brien

Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that’s taken over our lives.

Yes, you can connect with high school friends who don’t want to know you by phone, too.

Team Coco screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

It can be done. Yes, you have to have resolve and imagination, but living without Facebook can be done, even if the company’s CEO Mark Zuckerberg insisted to Congress Tuesday the site is perfectly safe. Conan O’Brien wants to show you how to live happily without Zuckerberg’s creation.

In an astoundingly useful primer, the late-night comedian revealed how you can take all the things you adore about Facebook and bring them into your everyday world.

The physical one, that is. You can, for example, print physical photos of your baby and show them around the office. Isn’t that what normal, sociable people used to do?

You can simply walk up to a coworker and say these heartfelt words: “We’ve been friends six years today.” And your phone exists for more than watching racy movies and, well, checking Facebook. You can use it to call women you went to high school with and make them think you’re deeply creepy.

Really, you can do everything you do on Facebook in the real world — even play Candy Crush. You’ll certainly enhance your coworkers’ lunch experience by putting one thumb up into their faces to show you like it. And all you need is a megaphone to ensure everyone understands your feelings about immigrants.

Of course, some people just don’t want to make the effort to do all this in a real-life setting. So they end up going back to Facebook. Which is exactly what Zuckerberg is counting on.

Cambridge Analytica: Everything you need to know about Facebook’s data mining scandal.

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